By: Jamie Lee Cortese

After I met Count Gore De Vol, Mr. Lobo, and Count and Countess Gregula, and spoke to Wolfman Mac on the phone, there was just one more horror host on my list of people to meet that I had yet to introduce myself to:  Ms. Monster.

I had met her costars, the Monster Melons, Tit and Tat, a few times during the day, as I had stopped at their table multiple times throughout the day (probably more times than I really should have).

Tit was strangely silent as a few of us were allowed to pass him around (insert your own double entendre here)…

The reason I was so anxious to meet her was because earlier in the week, when I had sent out an e-mail to five of the horror hosts who were scheduled to appear at HorrorHound, she was one of the hosts who replied within just a few hours (the other was Mr. Lobo)!

I originally found out about Ms. Monster, ironically enough, because of Elvira, Mistress of the Dark.  During my research on the latter, I eventually discovered her reality show, The Search for the Next Elvira.  I found the episodes online and began to watch, and, there she was!  Intrigued, I researched Ms. Monster further, and found her and her Monster Melons to be hilarious!  As soon as I saw that she would be attending HorrorHound, I immediately put her on my list of people to meet!

At any rate, I was very excited to meet her, which is why I kept stopping by her table to see if she had arrived yet.

Finally, a few hours after my family had arrived at the convention center Saturday morning, I looked across Horror Host Alley and saw that a sizeable crowd had gathered near her table.  I quickly scanned the group and, sure enough, Ms. Monster emerged at the head of it.

I wasted no time in rushing over there to join the other fans hoping for a picture with her.  The crowd actually shifted around relatively quickly, so before I knew it, I was right next to her!  As more people snapped pictures with her and my turn was coming ever closer, I realized that, unfortunately, this was one of those moments during the convention when my camera was buried deep inside my quickly-filling backpack.  Not wanting to lose my place in “line” (which actually consisted of a much more amiable group of people than about ninety-five percent of the real lines I’ve been in), I knelt down and began to fish through it.

As I dug through the already-loaded bag, a man with what appeared to be pantyhose over his head and a jack-o-lantern face painted on it suddenly crouched down next to me and asked, “Do you want me to take the picture for you?”

Oops.  I realized that, indeed, since neither of my parents was with me at the time, I didn’t have anyone to take the picture for me.  However, I was, of course, very happy for (and, actually, a bit surprised at) his kind gesture, and quickly jumped on the opportunity, thanked him, and handed him my camera, which I had since found.

Since there were still a few more patient people in front of us still waiting to pose for a picture with Ms. Monster, we chatted a little more as our turn approached.  I told him a bit about my school project on horror hosts, how I had e-mailed a few of the horror hosts scheduled to appear at HorrorHound earlier in the week, and how, to my surprise, Ms. Monster had actually sent me a response!  He seemed pretty interested in the topic, and I really enjoyed talking to him as we waited.

At last, our turn arrived!  The man I had just met took the picture, and then immediately told Ms. Monster, “You know, she’s doing a project on horror hosts!”

Ms. Monster and I quickly and simultaneously turned to each other, but before I could even begin to elaborate and officially introduce myself, she responded (with a huge smile on her face):

“Oh, are you Jamie?”

Who, me?

Well, what could I say?

“Yes!”  We shook hands and expressed our mutual pleasure at finally meeting each other.  We chatted very quickly, as there were still more people patiently waiting their turn.

At last… Ms. Monster!  Thank you to the man who took this picture!  She certainly didn’t make any of her fans “blue”! (You see?  Now that’s why I was holding the rubber chicken:  So that nobody would throw it at me!)

Ms. Monster had expressed in her e-mail to me that she was very willing to be interviewed on camera by me that weekend, and, as we arranged for hers to be later on in the afternoon on Saturday, she holds the distinction of being the very first horror host I interviewed at HorrorHound!

To my surprise, as we were setting up for the interview, I found out that the Monster Melons wanted in on it, too!  I hadn’t expected this, but was very excited at this new development!

Ms. Monster, Tit, and Tat were clearly having a ton of fun during the interview, and not only proved that they are all masters of improvisation, but also that they can create an inside joke within the span of about five minutes!

Ms. Monster described her show as “Elvira meets Pee-wee’s Playhouse”––– Yes, I can see that.  It’s sort of a “mish-mosh” of the two… You know, sort of a “hodge-podge”… (Ms. Monster and the Monster Melons will get it.)

We got (almost) everyone together for this one!  Um, that woman is, uh… Ms. Monster’s assistant.  Yeah, that’s it… sure…

Ms. Monster and her Melons (Uh… I meant Tit and Tat… What were you thinking of?) were extremely entertaining, kind, and accommodating, as well as just all-around amazing people (Do the Monster Melons count as people?) to meet and converse with!

Coming up in Part 9: Where am I now?  Answer:  In front of my computer screen.  Seriously, though, this is the part that you’ve all been waiting for:  The grand finale!  Find out how my project went, and how, amazingly enough, it’s as if it never even ended!